Out Of The Night
by bilbobaddems
Summary: One for the Aaron/Jackson fans amongst us! AU. Someone else knows about Aaron and Robert's affair and he's not happy!
1. Chapter 1

_Out of the Night_

_Chapter 1_

Aaron had been out on a run, training for the charity race being held in memory of Katy Sugden. He was knackered, exhausted to be exact, every part of him ached, and his lungs burned with his efforts to go ever faster, ever further.

It was late, nearly midnight, the night cool but not unpleasantly so. Aaron had been on his way home and as he'd neared the village cemetery he'd felt drawn there, and had let his feet carry him in through it's open gates. A full moon hovered above him lighting his way, giving his surroundings an eerie glow. The cemetery, like the village, was deserted at this time of night, except for the dead of course and he had no fear of them. As far as he was concerned they lay in eternal sleep, were mercifully free of the woes life contained.

Aaron panted breathlessly as he stood and stared at a headstone, at the name engraved there. He hadn't been here since first coming back to Emmerdale, he felt a bit guilty about that but, well he was here now wasn't he. He had never forgotten Jackson and never would, he had long since accepted he was at peace, and so had let go of the guilt he had felt for the part he had played in his death. Now he carried another such burden, this too was eating him up inside, casting the darkest of shadows over his life. The only hope of getting through it, the reason he kept going... Robert. Right or wrong he loved him.

Their affair remained top secret, his mum and Paddy thought it over and he hated lying to them but it was the only way. He would have liked to tell Paddy, to confide him, let him know just how happy being with Robert made him. Paddy would never accept Robert though, he didn't like him, he didn't trust him and he hated the way he'd treated him. Paddy had said he was just his bit on the side, that he would never be anything more and that he deserved better, he'd been so relieved to hear he'd ended things with Robert, no way could he tell him it was back on. But he needed to talk to someone, he needed to air his troubled thoughts. He could tell Jackson couldn't he? Aaron knew Jackson wouldn't hear him but was suddenly certain that opening his heart here, at his resting place, would help him in some way.

"I know you wouldn't approve, that you'd have plenty to say about what I'm doing, none of it what I'd want to hear. But I just want to be with him Jackson, is that so wrong? I love him, like I loved you. Losing you... I don't want to hurt like that ever again and I would if what I have with him ended for good.

"He's nothing like you, not in anyway. I know you wouldn't like him, that you, like my mum and Paddy would warn me off him if you could. They think he's using me but he's not, he cares about me and in time he'll realise the only way he'll ever be truly happy is with me. I know one day Robert will want what I want, that he'll turn his back on the life he has now and make a life with me. I just have to wait it out and..." Aaron sighed despondently, that time seemed such a long way off, he looked thoughtfully at Jackson's headstone saying, "I just wish wishes came true."

Turning around he made his way towards the gate, stopping and turning swiftly around on sensing someone was now behind him. To his relief there was nobody there but a little spooked he broke into a run, heading home and to his empty bed.

... ...

"Robert"

Robert stirred, the soft male voice rousing him from the realms of sleep.

"Robert" The voice came again a little louder and more insistent this time.

Robert's eyes flickered open finding his room bathed in the milky light of the moon. He was instantly aware of someone lying next to him. and for one blissful second he believed it was Aaron sharing his bed, his heart sank on realising it was Chrissie. Disappointment quickly turned to curiosity, hadn't he heard a voice? Hadn't someone been calling him, deliberately waking him? He was sure he had heard a voice, a male voice. Chrissie obviously hadn't, she was fast asleep, her soft, rhythmic breathing told him that. Looking around their room he told himself he'd been dreaming then rolled onto his side, purposefully turning his back on his wife. He loved her but not in the way he should and the more time he spent with Aaron the less he wanted to spend with her. Chrissie just didn't thrill or excite him the way Aaron did, there was just no fire between them, no bone melting heat when their flesh met and melded. He had experienced real passion with Aaron and he craved it, needed it like he needed his next breath. What had begun as a bit of fun, a dangerous game of kiss and not tell, had now become something deeper, something he never thought he could have with another man. Still it wasn't something he could ever share with the world, he had too much to lose should Chrissie ever find out.

Physically aching for Aaron now he snuggled further into his pillow, willing sleep to rescue him from his thoughts. The house was still, silent, cloaked in the colours of night and as he lay amidst the warmth and comfort he began to relax, but as consciousness started to lose its grip on him the voice came again...

"Robert!"

It was louder, demanding in tone and had Robert sit upright and lean over to switch on his bedside light before hurriedly scanning the room. He had expected to find someone there, some stranger, someone who had no right being there, but apart from him and Chrissie the room was empty. He began to shiver, not because he'd been left unnerved by the experience but because the room suddenly felt icy cold, like someone had left the window open on a winters day. Pulling the duvet up around him he glanced at the alarm clock that Chrissie kept on her side of the bed. 1am! It was way too early to be getting up but Robert knew he wouldn't go back to sleep now and decided to go downstairs and make himself a hot drink, he'd check on the heating too, the bedroom had turned into an icebox! Getting out of bed he hurriedly pulled on the dressing gown Chrissie had bought him, he didn't particularly like it, but wearing it made her happy and right now he was in need of it. As he neared the bedroom door he got the feeling he was being watched, he turned to look at Chrissie believing he'd woken her up, but found his wife was still asleep. A chill ran up and down his spine, he felt really uneasy but didn't know why and decided he was in need of something stronger than tea, whisky and a large one at that!

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_Out Of The Night_

_2 _

'Where the hell were they?' Robert fumed silently to himself, he had looked everywhere for his car keys, from where they should have been to where they had little or no chance of being, like in the fridge! Despite a thorough search of the place he still he hadn't found them. To make matters worse, his spare keys were missing too, now that was just too much of a coincidence wasn't it? It was like someone was playing a prank on him. If Lachlan hadn't been away somewhere with Lawrence, Robert would have put it down to one of his stupid games, the boy didn't give a stuff about anyone, he was always causing trouble in some way shape or form.

As every minute passed Robert grew more and more frustrated, he didn't have time for this. He had somewhere to go, somewhere he needed to be. If it had been a business meeting he could have simply rescheduled but he was supposed to be meeting up with Aaron and cancelling was the last thing he wanted to do.

"For fucks sake!" Robert's temper erupted after yet another fruitless search of the office, he could remember putting the keys on the desk before going upstairs to change. How could they just disappear like that, things just didn't vanish into thin air. Having earlier texted Aaron to say he was going to be a little late it seemed he was going to have to now tell him he couldn't come. Although, he supposed he could get a taxi there? Yeah why hadn't he thought about that before? Probably because it wasn't all that practical an idea. For starters he'd have to wait for it to come, and then there was the fact their company used the local taxi firm to ferry clients to and from meetings and events. Robert didn't want one of the drivers getting wind of things. He knew a trip to a luxury hotel wouldn't rouse suspicion but how would being dropped off on some deserted country lane look? Odd at least. No, he was just going to have to disappoint Aaron again and he wasn't looking forward to his reaction.

... ...

Aaron stared out of his open car window, there was little to see except endless woodland but it had a beauty all its own. Despite the very recent flurry of snow, trees were beginning to blossom with new life and birdsong filled the air. Spring had definitely sprung! Aaron liked it here, it was peaceful and secluded, being well off the beaten track it was all but forgotten about. Because the lane was fairly close to home and there was no chance of them being seen or disturbed there, it had become his and Robert's meeting place. He was waiting for Robert now and was quickly running out of patience.

Aaron's gaze moved to the clock on the dashboard, he shook his head in annoyance, Robert was supposed to have been there half an hour since. Robert had texted him with some lame excuse, saying he couldn't find his car keys, yeah right! Losing one set of keys, well ok Aaron could believe that, people were always doing that but not two! Did Robert really expect him to believe that? As Aaron picked up his phone intent on ringing Robert it burst into life, Robert was ringing him.

"Are you coming or what?" Aaron demanded, Robert hadn't better be letting him down again.

"How can I? And before you go off on one I had thought about getting a taxi... " He needed Aaron to know he was trying here, "...but..."

"But what?" That sounded like a good idea to Aaron.

"Well it's going to look a little odd isn't..."

"The taxi driver's not going to care where you go as long a you pay him the fare. Get him to drop you off at the bottom of the lane and I'll come get you. I can drop you off home later or... " Aaron had just remembered how little time he had spare "I could just come there..."

"No."

"Chrissie's there is't she?" That there was the real reason Robert wasn't coming.

"No she's out for the day like I told you." He'd 'talked' Chrissie into going to York. After all the anguish and stress Lachlan had caused her the last few weeks he had insisted she treat herself with a shopping spree. Apart from deserving a break it was a good way of getting her out of the way for a while, he could slip out without having to account for his whereabouts that way.

"Then why can't I come there?" It wouldn't be the first time, he'd even spent a few nights there, why was Robert so paranoid about him going there now? If need be he could always put his presence down to a business meeting, Robert was an investor in the scrapyard after all.

"Well your Sam's faffing about outside for starters and... oh alright you come here." Robert conceded he was desperate to see Aaron.

"Ok, see you in a bit." Aaron smiled to himself, another ten minutes or so and he'd be in Robert's bed.

Tossing his phone onto the passenger seat Aaron turned on the ignition, only for nothing to happen! He tried again and again but the engine was completely dead. Getting out of the vehicle he made for the bonnet opening it to check the engine. Everything seemed in order and he should know, but for some reason the car wouldn't start. He stared in disbelief at the engine, he'd only serviced it last week, it might be an old car, cheap to buy but it was in good working order. Why now, of all the times and places why did it have to die on him now? Could his day get any worse? Yeah no doubt it could and probably would. Robert wouldn't be happy with him plus he'd told Adam he'd only be gone a few hours, had promised to be back in time for a delivery they were expecting at three. He wasn't just going to be late it seemed he wouldn't be there at all now. On top of the grief Adam would give him he was was going to have to call Cain out to pick up the car. Just how was he going to explain his presence here? Whatever excuse he came up with Cain was bound to be suspicious, that was his nature.

... ...

Robert was just making himself a mug of coffee when he heard someone in the hallway, he was expecting Sam to walk into the room but to his utter dismay Chrissie appeared. "What are you doing home?" He'd tried to keep his tone even, he knew he had to hide his annoyance at seeing her. He was beginning to resent his wife, she always seemed to be getting in the way where seeing Aaron was concerned.

"The heel on my shoe snapped, first time on too!"

"Why didn't you just buy another pair?" Money was no object where Chrissie was concerned, he couldn't believe she'd let something so trivial mar her day.

"I would have done if I hadn't wrenched my ankle." Chrissie grimaced as she pointed down at her foot.

Feeling a little guilty now Robert asked "Are you ok, do you need to see a doctor?"

"No, its not that bad, nothing a hot bath and a massage wont cure." Chrissie said suggestively, her ankle might hinder her walking but it wouldn't get in the way of any bedroom activity.

Robert forced a smile, it seemed he was going to get some action just not the sort he'd been longing for. "Give me five minutes, I need to make a phone call then I'll come see to that ankle... amongst other things." His words had got the reaction he wanted, Chrissie was now hobbling towards the stairs, content with the promise of some 'afternoon delight'. When she was well out of earshot Robert reached for his phone, he had to stop Aaron from coming.

... ...

Aaron's phone was ringing again and he hurried to retrieve it from inside the car. Seeing Robert's name he answered with an apologetic "The car wont start, I'm..."

"You can't come now anyway, Chrissie's back..."

"Back?" Aaron snapped suspiciously, something told him she'd been there all along, that Robert had just been fobbing him off, trying to keep him sweet.

"Yeah, the silly mare went and fell off a pair of five inch heels."

"Really?" Aaron didn't believe it, Chrissie was classy, she carried herself well, now he could see the likes of Kerry come a cropper in such heels but not Chrissie. It was just another pathetic excuse from Robert.

"Look I'm sorry, I'm as pissed off as you are about this. I'll phone you later, arrange another time..."

"Don't bother!" Aaron snarled before ending the call. Why did he put up with all this crap from Robert? His phone bleeped, alerting him to a text. Aaron told himself not to look, that it would only be some pacifying attempt from Robert. But the very fact it could be from Robert had him check his phone, he just couldn't stop himself.

More disappointment, the message wasn't from Robert, at least he didn't think it was, the senders name and number had been withheld. Opening the message Aaron was taken aback by what he read there... '_You deserve better than him'_

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

Out Of The Night

3

Aaron eased his foot out of his work boot wincing as he slipped it into his trainer. It was as sore as hell but it wasn't going to stop his planned run, he was determined to go a little further tonight, an extra couple of miles at least.

Running helped him escape from so many things, it took him away from the village, from reminders of what he'd done, and it took him away from his mum and Paddy's concern filled eyes. he wished they wouldn't worry so much about him, that he didn't keep giving them reason to do so.

Trainers now on he looked around his bedroom for his iPod, it would keep him company like it did on every run. The music in his ears along with his endless pounding feet, helped drown out his thoughts. With no distractions he could push himself to the limit and the resulting exhaustion, the blisters, raw bleeding skin and aching muscles all had a purpose. The pain helped, nothing else did, and he had to have some release from the guilt that festered inside of him.

Another good thing about running was that it kept Robert out of his head, and he'd been thinking about him all day. No not thinking, obsessing was what he was doing. Yesterday he was happy with the way things were between them, certain it was only a matter of time before Robert chose him over Chrissie. He'd been prepared to wait, but today, after yet another let down and effortless lies on Robert's part, he was beginning to think it was all pointless. Robert would always put Chrissie first. It seemed Paddy was right, he was just Robert's 'bit on the side' and all he'd ever be to him. In his heart of hearts Aaron had always known that but because he loved him he'd kept telling himself differently, and so had let the affair go on. What was the matter with him? Where was his pride? He'd never taken crap off anyone before but he'd taken plenty off Robert and worse still he kept going back for more. The relationship, if you could call it that wasn't a healthy one, and what exactly did he get out of it? Hurt and disappointment mostly! Just like today. Robert had let him down again, and he wasn't a bit concerned that he'd broken down in the middle of nowhere. What did that tell him? It just proved Robert didn't feel the same way he did, he had no love for him, he lusted after him yes, but nothing more.

As he zipped up his hoody his phone sounded another text alert, he'd had endless texts this past hour, and several calls, he'd checked the first few, they'd been from Robert and believing them all to be from him he'd not bothered to look at his phone again. Right now he wasn't at all interested in what Robert had to say. As he tucked his phone into his pocket he remembered the anonymous text he'd received earlier that day. He had read the message repeatedly, '_You deserve better than him'. I_t was something both his mum and Paddy had said to him more than once, but he couldn't believe either one of them would send an anonymous text to drive home the point. But then no one else knew about him and Robert, at least he didn't think anyone did, and the message had to be about his involvement with Robert, there was no one else on the scene at least not where he was concerned. The message had unsettled him and he had decided as long as it was on his phone it would continue to do so and so he'd deleted it. If only he could delete it from his memory. It was odd and so was the business with his car come to think of it. He'd decided to try it one more time before calling Cain and it had started straight away! He knew about cars but he couldn't explain it playing up like that. Well he wasn't going to worry about it now and he wasn't going to let the text worry him either, ten minutes into his run and he'd have forgotten about both and about Robert too, even if it was only for a couple of hours.

Opening his bedroom door Aaron was surprised to find Paddy standing there, his hand raised poised ready to knock.

"I've been trying to get hold of you."

"Oh?" So it hadn't just been Robert texting him.

"Could you do me a massive favour... I know it's short notice ... Marlon was supposed to have Leo but..."

Aaron listened to Paddy's rambling explanation as to why he was in desperate need of a babysitter. He'd wanted to say no at first, well the mood he was in he was best left on his own, but then Paddy never asked anything of him, and Leo was his godson, "Yeah ok."

"You sure? You don't have any plans for tonight?"

"Yeah I'm sure, and no I don't have any plans." He could take a shorter run or forget about it all together if need be. "What time do you want me there?"

"Seven. I'll order you in a pizza, put some cans in the fridge..."

"Sounds good" It did, Aaron was actually looking forward to it now.

... ...

Leo was in his pyjamas when Aaron had walked into the Smithy, the little boy had been excited to see his 'big brother' as Paddy called him. That term always tugged at Aaron's heart strings, it was certainly a boost to his flagging spirits, he needed something to make him feel good about himself and knowing Leo loved and thought of him as his brother certainly did that.

Aaron had stood by the front door with Leo as he waved his parents and Pearl off. The three of them dressed up to the nines for some Veterinary do. Leo was tired and after Aaron had read him his favourite story, he'd closed his eyes and drifted straight off to sleep. Aaron envied his innocence, thankfully there was no black thoughts or burdens of guilt keeping him awake, no vengeful monsters lurking in the shadows.

Once certain Leo was settled for the night Aaron had made his way downstairs and into the living room. After plonking himself down onto the sofa he switched on the TV, there had to be something on he could watch. Finding little of interest he decided Paddy's PlayStation would help pass the time. As he got to his feet a knock came on the door. Pizza! Aaron's stomach rumbled at the thought of food and he hurried to open the door. He was taken aback to see Robert standing there, more so when he barged past him into the room.

"What do you think your doing?" Aaron demanded, this was Paddy's home and Aaron knew he wouldn't like Robert being there.

"You're not answering my texts or calls, I've got the evening free I thought we could..."

"No." No way was Robert getting what he wanted from him after the way he'd treated him today!

"I know you're mad at me but..."

"You found your keys then!"

"Yeah eventually." They'd turned up on his desk and he'd looked there time and time again. How couldn't he have seen them there?"Aaron listen to me..."

"I don't want to hear your excuses or more of your lies for that matter. I just want you gone."

"You know you don't mean that. Aaron come on, lets make the most of the empty house..."

"It's not empty, Leo's upstairs." Aaron snapped indignantly.

"Yeah I know, I heard Chas tell Diane you were babysitting tonight. I just thought we could take advantage of the fact there's no grown ups about..."

"Well you thought wrong."

"Aaron, I've been thinking about you all day."

"Yeah right!"

"I have, you're all I could think about, that's why I was in the Wooly. I was hoping to see you."

"Well you have now so you can go."

"You really want me to go?" Robert could see Aaron's resolve like his anger was fading, he knew it wouldn't take much to persuade Aaron to his way of thinking.

"Yeah I do." Aaron insisted determinedly holding Roberts gaze, he didn't want to give in to him but it was growing more and more difficult with every second that past.

"Well I'm not going, I want to be with you." Robert said softly before pulling Aaron to him. He was met with some resistance but once his lips covered Aaron's he felt the fight drain from him and as he'd expected, Aaron was soon kissing him back.

The kiss soon had them both wanting something more, and as the heat grew between them they started pulling at each others clothing. Robert wanted Aaron's joggers off and as his fingers tugged frenziedly at the fabric a loud thud was heard upstairs. The noise jolted Aaron to his senses, he shrugged himself free of Robert's hold and made for the stairs, bounding up them two at a time.

He was expecting to find Leo on the floor, thinking he'd somehow fallen out of bed but to his great relief the little boy lay where Aaron had left him, safe and still asleep. Aaron looked around the room, everything looked in order, so he decided to check Paddy and Rona's room, nothing was amiss there either. He could find no reason for the noise in the bathroom so told himself it had to have come from what was now Pearl's room. The door was slightly open, he was sure it hadn't been when he'd put Leo to bed. It didn't feel right going in to Pearl's room but he felt he had to check it out, and the open door seemed to draw him in.

As he stepped into the room his gaze swept around it, looking for a possible cause of the loud bang. Like the other rooms he could see nothing that could be responsible for making it, but something had.

Aaron lingered in the room. It had been his once, and it felt strange being in there now knowing it belonged to someone else. He'd spent a lot of time here, a lot of time with Jackson. He had a lot of good memories and some bad ones, and some he would rather forget... if only he could. He moved further into the room sniffing the air as he did so. He could smell something, something familiar, it reminded him of the aftershave Jackson would splash on after taking a shower. But it couldn't be that, it had to be some perfume of Pearl's, she must have sprayed some on her before going out. Yes it had to be Pearl's, that was the only explanation. Suddenly sensing someone else in the room, and believing it to be Robert, Aaron whirled around, angry at his presence and ready to blast him for trespassing in what had been his and Jackson's room. But Robert wasn't there, no one was... so why didn't he feel alone?

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Out Of The Night 

4

Aaron stood in the middle of his old room, Pearl's things surrounding him. He closed his eyes, allowing his mind to conjure up an image of how it used to be, how it used to look when he lived at the Smithy. A sense of calm washed over him, and he suddenly felt warm and safe, like he was being held and comforted by some unseen loving arms. His mind wandered back in time to when he was with Jackson, to when things were good between them.

Jackson had loved him, truly loved him...

"Aaron?"

Robert's voice drifted up the stairs, breaking the spell Aaron had been under. His eyes opened, and he found himself back in the cold reality of his life as it now was. He wasn't happy, far from it. He hurt so badly inside, and it wasn't just guilt causing the pain, it was need, a hunger he needed to satisfy. He needed to be loved! Like Jackson had loved him. No matter what Robert told him Aaron knew he would never feel that deeply for him, he would never love him the way he needed to be loved.

Aaron made his way to the door, he was reluctant to leave his old bedroom and the memories it contained, but he didn't want Robert to come looking for him.

"What the hell are you doing up there?" Robert hissed as Aaron finally appeared at the top of the stairs.

Aaron could hear the impatience in Robert's voice, it annoyed him and so did the fact he hadn't bothered to ask if Leo was ok. As he made his way back downstairs Aaron said, "Leo's awake, you're going to have to go." He had no qualms about lying, he was angry with Robert and with himself for giving in to him again, for letting him use him again.

"I've only just got here and we were in the middle of something remember?" Robert reached for Aaron hoping to carry on where they'd left off.

"_Were_, being the operative word!" Aaron snapped as he shouldered his way past Robert to stand by the front door.

"Oh come on. The kid'll be fine."

"Just go will you!" Aaron's voice rang with irritation, he didn't understand how Robert could dismiss Leo so easily, he might not be close to the little boy but knew he was, that he thought the world of him, couldn't Robert even pretend to care?

Robert shook his head in disbelief, Aaron was proving just as fickle as a woman could be, "You'd better make your mind up as to what you want from me. One minute you're complaining I'm not making any effort where we're concerned, the next you're sending me packing. All this blowing hot and cold..."

"You're the one with a decision to make!" Aaron retaliated, although he hadn't wanted to have this discussion with Robert again it seemed they were going to. It was getting old now, and it always left him feeling second best. But then maybe he needed to go over it again, maybe it would give him the strength to end things between them and for good this time.

"Not that again!" Robert's irritation grew, he didn't like where the conversation was headed, he hadn't come here to argue and this particular topic always ended in them fighting.

"I can't do this Robert, not any more. All this sneaking around, lying to the people I care about. And all for what? A 'quickie' when you can get away from Chrissie. That's all you want from me isn't it? That's the only reason you came here tonight, and as soon as you'd got what you wanted you'd have left, gone back to your wife. You'd have forgotten all about me til the next time you had the urge to fuck a man!" The truth hurt, at least it hurt him but he was sure Robert would shrug it off with his usual ease.

"Don't be stupid, you know I care about you, that I want to be with you. If it was just about sex well I could get that anywhere..."

"Not on tap you couldn't!" He was just an easy lay as far as Robert was concerned, well not any more. "I don't want to see you again Robert. This, whatever it is betwen us isn't enough for me, it never will be. I want more from a relationship, I need more. You can't give me that."

"Not right now I can't. I'd lose everything I've worked so hard for. But I'm working on it, I'm making investments, securing my future, another year, two maybe and I'll be able to walk away from the marriage. I'll be free to..."

"No. Even if I believed you I'm not prepared to wait that long. And anyway, I don't need a big house, a fancy car or a ton of money in the bank to be happy. I just need to be...

The knock on the door startled them both, Robert making a hushed demand, "Ignore it."

Aaron decided the only thing he was going to ignore was Robert and pulled open the front door, Robert swiftly moving into the kitchen out of sight

After taking delivery of his pizza Aaron stepped into the kitchen, Robert was nowhere to be seen and for a minute Aaron thought he'd gone but as he'd set the box down onto the table Robert appeared by the living room door. "You still here!" Aaron commented coldly.

"Like I'd leave the way things are between us?" Aaron had called things off before, more than once but there was a tone of finality in his voice this time and that worried Robert.

"There isn't an 'us' any more, there never was, not really. It's over Robert, I'm over it and as soon as you walk through that door I think you will be too." Turning around Aaron made for the stairs, he could hear Robert calling after him but ignored his pleas to 'listen to him' to 'please talk about this'. Aaron felt certain Robert wouldn't follow him upstairs, and he was right. Looking out of Leo's bedroom window he watched Robert making his way down to the Woolpack. Only when Robert disappeared into the pub did Aaron let his emotions get the better of him. On feeling the sting of tears he quickly wiped them away, he was hurting like hell but not nearly as much as he thought he would be. Maybe that was because he knew he was doing the right thing.

... ...

It was gone one when the front door opened and the sound of merriment drifted in to the living room. Aaron made his way into the kitchen finding Paddy quietly reminding Rona and Pearl that Leo was upstairs asleep. On seeing Aaron the two women made a beeline for him, hugging and fussing over him.

"You had a good night then!" Aaron said as he tried to extricate himself from the overwhelming show of affection.

"Yes they did!" Paddy declared "Now they need to go sleep it off."

After ushering the women towards the stairs, Paddy turned to Aaron saying, "Sorry we're so late, they didn't want to leave."

"It's ok," He really didn't mind, the scrapyard was only open til midday on a Saturday, and as it was Adam's turn to open up there was nothing calling him in the morning.

"Everything ok? Did Leo wake at all?"

"Yeah fine, he went out like a light and I've not heard a peep from him since."

"You ok?"

"Yeah."

"You sure about that only..."

"It's one in the morning you're not going to give me the third degree now are you?"

"No its just... well your mum's worried about all this running you're ..."

"Paddy she worries every time I cross the road on my own! I bet Rona worries needlessly over Leo at times too."

"Yeah but..."

"Well they are then. You've got to learn to switch off."

"I'm worried too."

Aaron shook his head "You're worse than her! I'm ok, you know I'd come to you if I wasn't."

"Promise?"

"Yeah." Hopefully that would shut Paddy up and just in case it didn't Aaron decided to change the conversation. "Is it ok if I stay over, sleep on the sofa. the Wooly will be all locked up and I forgot my key." He hadn't, he couldn't explain it but he wanted to stay at the Smithy tonight.

"Course it is." Paddy smiled in delight, he liked the idea of having Aaron back under his roof. "I'll get you a blanket."

... ...

Aaron woke to the sound of milk bottles clinking outside, the milkman was as regular as clockwork, you could tell the time by him and Aaron knew it had to be around 7am. Only when he opened his eyes did he remember where he was. Yawning he pondered over whether to go back to sleep or not, he was tired, he could do with another hour at least. The sofa was as comfortable as a sofa could be but he hadn't slept all that well. He'd taken a long journey down memory lane, had kept remembering things about his time here with Jackson, like the first night Jackson had spent here... and inevitably his last night here! Paddy had helped carry his bed down into the living room, he'd lifted Jackson into it. He'd actually gone to bed that night with a smile on his face, content to have Jackson lying next to him again. That particular memory had left him aching for Jackson, and it had brought on silent tears, they'd trickled endlessly down his face and...

Aaron scrambled into a sitting position, he'd been unnerved by a hazy memory of what had happened next. His tears had been wiped away! Jackson had wiped them away... no... what was he saying? He must have fallen asleep and dreamt that bit. He hadn't dreamt about Jackson in a long time, but with him being so much on his mind last night he was bound to dream about him wasn't he? He wished he could remember more of that dream, there had to be more.

Hearing movement upstairs Aaron decided to get up and put the kettle on, Paddy had promised him a 'full English' this morning and his stomach was now rumbling at the thought of it, he'd have to run it off later though!

... ...

It was early evening and Aaron still hadn't been for a run. He's spent most of the morning at Paddy's, Leo hadn't wanted him to go and he'd been happy to 'stay and play', but he was in need of a shower and a change of clothes so had eventually dragged himself away. His mum had been waiting with a long list of jobs for him to do, time consuming jobs they were too, it was as if she was deliberately trying to keep him busy. It was teatime before he knew it, and for his tea his mum had given him pie and chips. Chas knew he didn't like running on a full stomach, and it would have been ready to burst if he'd eaten the mountain of chips on his plate. He knew what she was doing, she was trying to stop him running, well he was determined he wasn't going to get into an argument with her about it, he knew she loved him and just couldn't stop herself from interfering in his life. He didn't like it but knew there was little he could do about it.

After eating half his tea he'd sat by the bar and took his time over a pint. The pub was busy, it usually was on a Saturday night. There was a good atmosphere and he was just mulling over having another pint when Robert and Chrissie walked in. They headed for the only unoccupied table, one that just happened to be directly in his field of vision! Chrissie was laughing, obviously happy. When her attention momentarily moved to a neighbouring table Robert's gaze settled on him. Aaron told himself to look away but found he couldn't, he was waiting for a smile or a nod of the head in acknowledgement, one he planned to ignore, but what he got was a smirk! He should have looked away then but no and so witnessed something even more sickening, Robert pulling Chrissie to him and kissing her. He'd had to look away then. Downing the last of his pint he made his way around the bar, he could sense Robert's eyes on him, knew he was expecting him to turn around and look in his direction, but he wasn't going to. Seeing Robert all over Chrissie had pissed Aaron off big time, he knew he'd done it deliberately, hoping to make him jealous, It hadn't worked, he might have been jealous yesterday but not today and not any more.

... ...

He was pushing himself again this evening, going faster, further and over more difficult terrain. Two hours in he was hurting, his lungs, his muscles, his feet all protesting his efforts. It had stated to rain, endless drizzle. It was getting late too, he'd have to turn around soon and head home, he needed to get on to familair territory before it went dark or else he might find himself lost.

He was in a wooded area, and although his ipod drowned out any noise, his other senses were being bombarded with the sights and aromas of the dank leafy expanse. He raised his eyes skyward as the rain turned heavier, spying what he thought was a buzzard he watched it's effortless flight. It was just a brief loss of concentration, a momentary one, but it was long enough to end his run. The tree root was barely visible amongst the fauna that covered the ground but he'd have seen it if he'd been concentrating. Aaron's foot caught in the twisted outgrowth and he hit the ground with a sickening thud.

The pain in his ankle was indescribable but it told him he'd broken something. He lay panting, trying not to move for fear of making the pain worse. But as the rain splattered his face he realised lying there wasn't an option, reaching into his pocket he pulled out his phone, he needed help and fast. "Shit!" Aaron spat on realising he had no signal, 'what the hell did he do now?'

It had been at least an hour since he'd fallen, he'd been slowly dragging himself back in the direction he'd come. The road was still miles away, and Aaron knew it would take him all night to get there. Still he had to try, and hopefully as he moved closer to the village his phone would work.

Pain compounded by exhaustion finally overpowered him and Aaron lay defeated. He was cold and wet and he wanted to close his eyes and sleep but knew if he did he might never wake up again.

But was that really such a bad idea? As he drifted into the comforting darkness he felt someone touch his cheek, the gentle caress had him force his eyes open. It was all a blur, he blinked several times desperately trying to clear his vision and slowly a familiar face swam into focus, "Jackson!"

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_Out Of The Night_

5

"Don't be scared." Jackson soothed seeing the bewilderment in Aaron's eyes.

The power of speech seemed to have deserted Aaron but he managed to shake his head in response, he wasn't scared, he just couldn't believe what he was seeing, who he was seeing.

"You have to stay awake, you have to fight this Aaron." It was raining and the temperature was dropping. Aaron lay unprotected from the elements, Jackson knew hypothermia would quickly set in.

The voice, the dark eyes staring so intently into his, it was the Jackson he remembered, the Jackson he'd loved. The Jackson he'd watched die... so it couldn't be him, how could it be? Maybe he was seeing things, imagining things, hallucinating? Maybe if he blinked, if he was to close his eyes for just a second, the figure beside him would disappear, simply fade into the encroaching darkness. But then what if it did? Panic rose in his chest, he didn't want Jackson, real or imagined to leave him, not again. "Please, please don't leave me."

"You're going to be alright."

Aaron felt Jackson's hand wrap around his, it was warm, soft, gentle. As he tightened his hold on it a surge of emotion overwhelmed him and tears clouded his eyes. He wiped the tears away with his free hand, he couldn't bear for anything to mar the sight of the man he loved, he was awed by it but still his mind needed to make sense of it all, "How... I... I don't understand, I..."

"You will one day. " Jackson smiled.

"Jackson..." Aaron whispered weakly, there was so much he wanted to say to him.

"Sshh, don't talk, you need to rest, to save your strength, you won't be found for hours yet."

"Found?" That didn't sound like such a good idea, "What then? What about you?"

"You won't need me then."

Panic rose again, "But I do need you, Jackson please. I can't do it without you, I've tried, I've tried so hard, but it's all such a mess. No matter what I do it always turns out the same. Someone ends up getting hurt, and I hurt so much inside, I can't take it any more, please."

Jackson knew Aaron was a tortured soul, just like he had been those last few months of his life, he'd believed there was only one way he would ever find peace. He'd found that peace but Aaron wasn't ready to take that step yet. "You'll come out of this stronger..."

"No. The things I've done, they haunt me..."

"You're not responsible for Katy's death."

Aaron shivered, Jackson's words had sent a chill through him, "You know?"

Jackson nodded before firmly reiterating "You are not responsible for what happened."

Aaron knew that Jackson's words should have helped reassure him but instead they'd opened his eyes to another unwelcome truth, "You know about me and Robert."

"Yeah." He was all too well aware of the so called relationship. Aaron didn't need someone like Robert in his life, he was a toxin, and one way or another he would keep on hurting him. Jackson had tried to keep them apart but there was only so much he could do. It was apparently over between them now but Jackson knew it was only a matter of time before Aaron's resolve weakened. "You need to forget about him Aaron, you need to move on, find someone who doesn't lie to you, who doesn't use and manipulate you, someone who doesn't hurt you, or cause you to hurt yourself. You deserve so much better than that."

"You're back now." Aaron wasn't even going to attempt to reason out Jackson's presence, he was here and that was all that mattered.

"No, not to stay." This was just a brief sojourn into the physical word, his love for Aaron had brought him back but as strong an energy as that was there was an ever greater power and some time soon it would call him_ home._

A now distraught Aaron forced out, "Why are you here if you're just going to leave me again? How do I let you go again? Jackson I can't..."

"You can and you will." Jackson insisted, he knew Aaron would have no memory of this time.

... ... ...

Paddy stirred, his sleep disturbed by the ringing of his mobile phone. Still only half awake he reached out for the offending object, snatching it up off his bedside table before holding it to his ear. A good few seconds passed before his befuddled brain told him he had to accept the call before it would stop ringing. Fully awake now he eyed his bedside clock, it was 00:40! He wasn't on call so who the hell was phoning him at this time of the morning? Without his glasses he couldn't see the name of the caller but he recognised the voice on the other end immediately.

"No he's not here, Iv'e not seen him tonight." The concern in Chas' voice was infection, Paddy felt it wash over him.

Chas was hoping her son had stayed at Paddy's like he had the night before, that was a more than acceptable reason for him not returning home from his run. "I thought he'd come home, I was so busy with a hen party I didn't think to check that he had. I was late going to bed and when I finally did something told me to look in his room. His bed's not been slept in, his trainers, the ones he wears to run in, they're not here either. I've tried ringing him but it just goes to answer phone. Something must have happened to him Paddy."

"He could be at Adam's, lost track of time." Paddy reasoned trying to reassure himself as much as Chas.

"No, he always comes straight home after a run, he's so hot and sweaty the last thing he feels like doing is socialising. Paddy I've got a bad feeling about this." She couldn't explain it but she knew her son was in need of help.

"Ok but I think you should ring Adam just to be sure. While you're doing that I'll get dressed and come down to yours." Ending the call Paddy's attention turned to his wife, Rona was awake and eyeing him questioningly. "Aaron's not come home after his run, Chas is in a right state, she's worried and..."

"It's ok, you go." Rona hadn't liked or understood Paddy's relationship with Aaron at first, but after seeing him with Leo her eyes had been opened. "Ring me let me know what's happening." Aaron had given Paddy more than a few sleepless nights, she'd resented him for that too once, now she accepted it as part and parcel of being a parent.

"Yeah, don't worry he'll be fine." Again Paddy's comment was for his own benefit as much as Rona's. Aaron had caused him all sorts of worry and heartache in the past, he didn't know what was going on with the lad now, but a terrible sense of dread had wrapped its icy fingers around his heart. Like Chas he had a bad feeling about the situation, so bad it scared him.

Chas was waiting at the front of the pub, a flask of hot tea in one hand, a blanket in the other, she felt sure wherever Aaron was he was in need of both. As Paddy's car pulled up she yanked open the passenger door and quickly slipped in to the seat. "Adam's not seen him either but he's going out to look for him, Cain too." She'd rang her brother after ringing Adam, they were going to drive around two areas they knew Aaron had run through regularly. "I thought we could go in the other direction. If we don't find him within the hour I'm going to call the police, and then there's the Dales Rescue team..."

"Chas, I don't think we're going to need them. " At least he hoped they didn't. "I thought he stuck to the roads, to the well worn paths?"

"In the beginning maybe! I told you Paddy, he's been pushing himself ever harder, he went through Poachers Wood last week, you should have seen the state of his trainers, I told him off for cleaning them in the kitchen sink..." Chas paused wishing Aaron had come home and done the exact same thing tonight, "That's just one of countless such places round here, he could be anywhere Paddy."

"Yeah and we'll find him." Paddy insisted, he wouldn't stop until he did.

... ... ...

A wave of exhaustion suddenly washed over Aaron and his eyes drifted shut, he just needed a minute.

"Aaron! You have to stay awake, you..."

"Why?" Aaron's heavy eyelids flickered open.

"You know why."

"And what if I don't want to wake up ever again?"

"I know you're not happy at the moment, that life isn't what you want it to be but that will change."

"No."

"You're home now, you're not alone any more." Aaron was surrounded by his family, he had their love and support he had to remember and hold on to that knowledge. There were things he had to let go of too. "You have to look on Ed and Robert as mistakes..."

"But I'm just going to keep on making those same mistakes Jackson, and that's because no one's ever going to love me the way you did. And I need that Jackson, I need you."

"Aaron..."

"I can't do it any more Jackson..."

"Think about your mum, Paddy! You'd be leaving them in so much pain."

"That's what you did. Your mum, your dad, me! We went through hell... so don't you dare lay that guilt trip on me!"

"I know and I'm sorry but this is different, you can live your life to the full..."

"You could have done too. There are people injured just like you were living their life and enjoying it. you didn't try hard enough Jackson, you just gave up.

"Could you have done it?" Jackson quietly reasoned "Could you have lived that way?"

"If you'd asked me to, I would have done anything for you. I proved that to you that day. It destroyed me doing it but I still helped you drink that poison, I helped you die... now I'm asking you to do the same for me."

Jackson shook his head, "No." That wasn't why he was here.

"It's my choice Jackson, my decision..."

"You're not thinking clearly right now..."

"We'd be together wouldn't we?"

"Yes but..."

"Isn't that what you want too?"

"Yes but not like this and not yet." They would be together in time Aaron just needed to accept that.

"If you loved me..."

"I do love you, that's why I'm here! That's why I've been trying to..." He wasn't supposed to interfere but he couldn't help himself, Robert was hurting Aaron and on top of that Aaron was punishing himself to such an extent he'd had to step in.

"What? Jackson what were you going to say?"

"I've never really left you. I've been with you, not all the time of course, but when you've hit a low, when you've been struggling with something, when you've needed me. "

Aaron absorbed Jackson's words, realisation coming slowly to him, "The other day in my old room?"

"I was there."

"And that night, what I thought was a dream?"

"You weren't dreaming."

Aaron smiled, there had been other times when he'd sensed Jackson around him, he'd shrugged it off, told himself he was being stupid, now he wished he'd seen those moments for what they were, had taken comfort from them.

"That text was from me."

"Text?"

"You deserve better than him."

"That was you?" Of course it was Aaron told himself, his mind played back the event of that day "the car wouldn't start, that was down to you too? Roberts keys? Chrissie falling?""

"No! I had nothing to do with her getting hurt, that was purely coincidence."

"You were trying to keep us apart?"

"I couldn't let him keep on hurting you, I wanted you to see him for what he is. He loves you in his own way but he loves money and power more. That will always be his priority."

"I know." He hadn't wanted to believe it, but these last few days he'd started to see Robert's true colours and he wasn't liking them one bit. He'd got it wrong again, just like he had with Ed. The only difference was no one had been hurt during his time with Ed, except him of course. Jackson had never lied to him, he'd never used him, his dying and the part he'd played in that had hurt him beyond belief but that was different, that he could understand, that he could forgive. His feelings for Ed and Robert had been strong, he'd thought himself in love with both men but it didn't come close to what he felt for Jackson. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Aaron had nothing to apologise for as far as Jackson was concerned.

"For the things I said, for the things I did, for pushing you away, for screwing everything up, for destroying what we could have had."

"Don't." Jackson said firmly, Aaron had tortured himself enough over what had happened between them.

"If things were different, if I'd been different, we'd be together now wouldn't we? We'd be living together, sharing our lives, we'd be happy. We still could be."

"In time we will be."

"We've wasted enough time Jackson! I want to be with you and I know you want the same."

Of course he did and it would be easy enough to accomplish that, all Aaron had to do was fall asleep like he had done. It wasn't the end it was just the beginning and it would be a new beginning for the two of them. But that wasn't why he was here, he hadn't come to help set Aaron's troubled soul free... or had he?

... ... ...

It was six o'clock, day had dawned and word had quickly spread through the village that one of their own was in need of help. The news had reached the White household just before seven. Robert was in the kitchen, drinking his morning coffee and simultaneously tapping out a text to Aaron, one he felt sure would win him round. As he'd sat there his mobile had started to ring. It was his brother asking him to join in the search for his missing friend. Robert had of course readily agreed, after hurriedly relating the news to Lawrence he'd rushed outside to his car. He'd told himself that Aaron was ok, that he'd be found safe and well, his mind refusing to entertain anything to the contrary.

Just after eight Robert got a message that Aaron had been seen running along the back road to Skipdale the evening before, the search was now intensifying in that area and so he turned his car around and headed in that direction too. There was acre upon acre of woodland there, the consensus now was that Aaron had decided to do some cross-country, 'Idiot' Robert silently blasted Aaron, why was he pushing himself so damn hard? He knew the answer to that and the realisation started to eat away him. It was his fault, it was his actions, his determination to hold on to what he'd worked so hard to achieve that had caused Aaron to punish himself. He had to put a stop to it, he had to somehow put things right.

There were numerous cars parked along the roadside, each one next to a path or a lane. The cars occupants obviously searching those areas. On spotting what he recognised to be Paddy's car he slowed down and parked behind it. He wasn't sure why he stopped there, he just knew he should.

"Aaron!" Robert heard his voice echo in the stillness, he truly expected Aaron to answer his repeated calls but no. He'd been walking about an hour when the ramblers pathway he'd been searching tapered off into a narrow overgrown track. Robert couldn't imagine it leading anywhere but he could see Aaron choosing to run through such terrain.

Somewhere off in the distance he could now hear someone else calling out for Aaron, first a man's voice then a woman's, as faint as the voices were he could hear the desperation, the fear they contained. It unnerved him a little, brought his own emotions a little closer to the surface. 'Aaron had to be ok, he had to be... he loved him.'

Robert trudged on, with every minute that passed he grew more anxious, more fearful of what might happen of what he could lose.

Finally a harrowing scream alerted Robert to the fact that Aaron had been found. It was a heart-stopping wail of pain and grief. Tears threatened, he wanted to turn and run away from what he knew would break him, but he couldn't, he was being drawn to the scene like a moth to a flame.

He could hear sobbing, he could feel the sorrow, it filled the morning air. Stepping through the trees he gazed down at the two figures now drowning in grief. They were on their knees, Chas cradling Aaron's lifeless form in her arms, Paddy's arms encircling them both.

"No!" Robert whispered, this wasn't happening, Aaron wasn't dead, he couldn't be. What should he do? What could he do? Never had he felt so helpless, never had he felt so alone. His knees suddenly buckled beneath him, all his strength gone. He wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come, why wouldn't they come? Why? He needed to let go of the pressure that was now building up inside of him. It was growing more and more painful, he knew tears would help wash it away... but still they refused to fall. Then when the agony was too much to bear he opened his mouth and out it came, a roar of anguish and regret.

... ... ...

Unseen they stood together amidst the grief. It was hard to witness, and for Aaron hard to bear, but he'd made his choice and he was sure he'd made the right one this time. His mum and Paddy would grieve for him, but in time they would realise that he had now found the peace his tortured soul had long cried out for, and they would find comfort in that knowledge. Aaron's gaze moved momentarily to Robert, he'd been surprised by the display of grief from such a shallow and self-centred man. Aaron felt certain that whatever Robert was feeling would be short lived and that he'd hide it from the world like some dirty secret.

"Ready?" Jackson asked. It was time for them to go.

Aaron smiled, "Ready!"

Hand in hand they began to walk towards the trees, towards the light now flooding through the foliage...

END


End file.
